Criticism in a Relationship

Constant criticism makes you unhappy and bitter. Nobody could feel confident and satisfied when someone – a loved one at that – humiliates them.

Everybody receives negative remarks now and then. Your family members, your boss, your clients may say something unpleasant about your skills or your approach. It is particularly hurtful when a partner criticizes you. It has a deteriorating effect on your love life.

Healthy Critics vs. Criticism in Relationships

Criticism is not about positive, constructive criticism that helps you make your life better. When your partner makes snide remarks, he lets you know that you are not good enough for him. It makes you upset, insecure, sad or angry. Probably all of the above.

In a good relationship, you feel safe and happy. You trust your partner. You feel peaceful and relaxed, and you do not feel compelled to live up to someone else’s requirements. You feel comfortable while being yourself when your partner is around.

Moving in together or getting married is a difficult period for a couple. You will have to adapt to another person’s lifestyle and habits, however, you already have your own habits. It is not easy to compromise. People often underestimate such issues. The first weeks are always hard. You may receive hurtful remarks. Your partner expects you to accept his opinion in everything: household habits, daily schedule, choice of hobbies or friends. Most certainly, his way is not the only right way. When you point it out, your partner feels offended or frustrated. He starts judge upon you. This is when you get snide remarks.

What Is Behind His Criticism?

Probably your partner has too high expectations. He should learn that no partner is perfect.

Perhaps your partner has self-esteem issues or he does not feel safe in the relationship. He might think that you are going to ditch him. Men have difficulties with communication. Their criticism might be their way of saying that they are afraid of losing you.

Probably you have a hot-headed partner, a choleric type. Your partner might be tactless. They say things, without thinking about the consequences. Before they know it, they already hurt you. Moreover, they are not particularly sensitive, so they do not even understand why you find their remarks offensive.

Your Issues

If you have self-esteem issues, you will put up with his behavior. You might think that your partner is right and you are flawed. You might be afraid that he will easily find a better, brighter, hotter woman than you. Perhaps deep down you are afraid that you stay alone, and you dread the possibility. This is a big problem. If you are not confident, you are in for a bitter life and much disappointment. Do your best to research your self-esteem issues and get rid of them. Seek a therapist if needed; psychotherapy can help you build confidence. At least seek resources, forums, or support groups.

Perhaps you have confidence, but you still think that you could get rid of some of your bad habits. You agree with some of his remarks, because you want to change, too.

Change his Critical Ways

If your partner’s criticism disturbs you, you should not accept it. How long can you deal with it? Give yourself and your partner one month, two months etc. to change. If things do not change now, they will not change years later. You should consider counseling therapy for couples, or you should think about a breakup.