The link between sexuality and fears

Sexuality is one of the aspects of human life that causes a lot of attention. The attitude toward sex, determines the way we perceive ourselves and others and it also helps us understand the meaning of life and death. That’s why sexuality is interesting for many scientific and non-scientific disciplines and recently there is a whole new discipline that deals with it called sexology.

In this article we will explain one problem that occurs often in sex, a problem that can interrupt the whole sexual relationship. We are talking about sexual fears.

Fear is a feeling that, in most cases, brings negative effects to every life activity. When we talk about sexual communication, fear can be fatal because it attacks the essence of good sexual relationship through different forms like – shyness, tension, discomfort and even jealousy and hate which are mostly driven by fears. Thus sexual communication between partners becomes a source of burden and bitterness, instead of pleasure and satisfaction, and they themselves may begin to lose their sense that they are actually sexual beings which eventually leads to loss of self-esteem and life optimism.

The following are the most common situations that occur because of fear:

–      Both partners are not discussing anything related to sex although they don’t have trouble communicating about anything else. The root of this problem goes in the childhood and the way one or both of the partners were raised. They probably never talked about sex with their parents.

–      Lack of communication between partners while they are having sex. This happens as a result of lack of confidence. The partners usually think that what they say might sound funny to the other partner and they will end up being ridiculed or mocked.

–      The fear of using “dirty” occurs when the partner thinks if spicing up the sex act with some of those words might be considered as vulgar by the other partner.

In addition to these situations, which are the most common situations, there are many more that are caused by fear of open sexual communication and can lead to hidden or open conflict between the partners. Over time, this leads to dissatisfaction and intimate separation of partners, they become more introverted and finally it can completely ruin the relationship.

Besides problems linked with sexual communication there are other types of fears like: lack of self-esteem when it comes to physical appearance, sexual performance and fear of failure, fear of exploitation, fear to express emotions etc.

History of sexuality and everyday practice clearly demonstrates the harmful effect of fear in sex life. We have presented the basic manifestations, while their combination leads to the classic sexual problems such as impotence, frigidity, premature ejaculation, masochism, etc.

Sexual problems caused by basic fears or a combination of these basic fears can be solved with a good therapist and strong will and desire of both partners. Without these fears sex life will become what it is supposed to be – one of the greatest sources of personal happiness and optimism.