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Sex Life Story

The Link Between Sexuality And Fears

Sexuality is one of the aspects of human life that causes a lot of attention. The attitude toward sex, determines the way we perceive ourselves and others and it also helps us understand the meaning of life and death. That’s why sexuality is interesting for many scientific and non-scientific disciplines and recently there is a whole new discipline that deals with it called sexology.

In this article we will explain one problem that occurs often in sex, a problem that can interrupt the whole sexual relationship. We are talking about sexual fears.

Fear is a feeling that, in most cases, brings negative effects to every life activity. When we talk about sexual communication, fear can be fatal because it attacks the essence of good sexual relationship through different forms like – shyness, tension, discomfort and even jealousy and hate which are mostly driven by fears. Thus sexual communication between partners becomes a source of burden and bitterness, instead of pleasure and satisfaction, and they themselves may begin to lose their sense that they are actually sexual beings which eventually leads to loss of self-esteem and life optimism.

The following are the most common situations that occur because of fear:

–      Both partners are not discussing anything related to sex although they don’t have trouble communicating about anything else. The root of this problem goes in the childhood and the way one or both of the partners were raised. They probably never talked about sex with their parents.

–      Lack of communication between partners while they are having sex. This happens as a result of lack of confidence. The partners usually think that what they say might sound funny to the other partner and they will end up being ridiculed or mocked.

–      The fear of using “dirty” occurs when the partner thinks if spicing up the sex act with some of those words might be considered as vulgar by the other partner.

In addition to these situations, which are the most common situations, there are many more that are caused by fear of open sexual communication and can lead to hidden or open conflict between the partners. Over time, this leads to dissatisfaction and intimate separation of partners, they become more introverted and finally it can completely ruin the relationship.

Besides problems linked with sexual communication there are other types of fears like: lack of self-esteem when it comes to physical appearance, sexual performance and fear of failure, fear of exploitation, fear to express emotions etc.

History of sexuality and everyday practice clearly demonstrates the harmful effect of fear in sex life. We have presented the basic manifestations, while their combination leads to the classic sexual problems such as impotence, frigidity, premature ejaculation, masochism, etc.

Sexual problems caused by basic fears or a combination of these basic fears can be solved with a good sex therapist and strong will and desire of both partners. Without these fears sex life will become what it is supposed to be – one of the greatest sources of personal happiness and optimism.

Sex Life Story

Impotence – Constant Fear Of Sexual Dysfunction

Having low self-esteem linked with sexual impotence can truly disturb every man and what is even more frightening is that this unpleasant situation can affect different aspects of their lives. In situations like these failures become something inevitable.

There are many reasons why this is happening and different psychologists have different conclusions. However there are few things that seem to repeat in these cases of impotence among men.

Men tend to equate their masculinity with their sexual power, although masculinity is reflected in many different things not just sexuality. Furthermore they equate their sexual power with erectile power, which allows normal and uninterrupted sexual intercourse with the partner. Men can be manly and impotent at the same time although some of them don’t realize how that is possible. There are many causes why impotence occurs. For example there can be natural causes, when impotence occurs because of sclerotic changes in the blood vessels. Certain neurological diseases can also cause impotence – for example multiple sclerosis. The list is even longer when we add, diabetes, various medical interventions (prostate surgery, aortic surgery, tumors around and on the genitals…), various medications that we consume (antihypertensives , psychopharmaceuticals), on it. Mental disorders are on this list too. For example depression can lower sex drive in addition to impotence. These mental disorders can cause even more problems than some of the medicaments.

There are some side causes that can also affect the appearance of impotence. On the top of this list are bad relationships followed by distancing of the partners, hostility and hatred and even open aggression. Sometimes some unexpected events in our lives can also affect our sexual health. Things like death of a partner, fear from a newly discovered disease. fear of divorce, troubles at work; they can all worsen the situation.

In many cases the cause of sexual impotence is of psychological nature. After a few failures in a row, which might be caused by some unfortunate events, a man can develop fear of failure. This fear is interfering erection and lowers the quality of the sexual intercourse.

In these cases men tries to focus on their own performance instead of focusing on the physical attractiveness of the women they are with. Sometimes these causes have deeper roots which can be traced in the early childhood.

The unstoppable process of aging can also affect the sexual power of men. After the age of 50 erections might not occur as often as previously. Men are usually physiologically strongest in their 20s and after the 40s they slowly begin to lose interest in sex and their levels of testosterone are lowered. In some cases the sex drive is present but the man is not able to achieve erection so easy.

Every case of impotence should be examined separately. Depending on the causes impotence can be treated with drugs, surgery and even with psychotherapy in cases of psychogenic impotence.