Premature ejaculation can be devastating for men afflicted with the condition, but thankfully society has become more accepting and understanding. With so many products out there, men finally have options to help. If you are a man, and you suffer from premature ejaculation the prognosis is hopeful. For the partners of men with premature ejaculation, it can still be incredibly frustrating. Women can feel trapped and at a loss of how to approach or deal with the problem. Some men just don’t want to face the reality, some don’t consider it a problem and even with treatments- progress doesn’t happen overnight. So how do you deal with the effects premature ejaculation has on you, the one who is afflicted- but affected just the same? With some communication you can make a major difference in making changes.
Don’t Get Angry
The most important thing to remember, and this goes for any situation you are in with PE, is that you need to be supportive. Of course, it’s frustrating for you and it is so easy to get caught up in the selfish thoughts that can come as a knee-jerk reaction. However, you have to fight past that and remember that your commitment to each other means that you are supposed to support each other. If you can support him through any other situation, why not PE?
Timing is Everything
It is critical that you approach with caution and handle with kid gloves when broaching the subject to your partner. Deep inside, he is already aware there is a problem; and it is likely eating him up inside. It is a crushing blow to the male ego, and can make any man feel like a failure and less of a man. Time your approach gracefully, how he reacts to the conversation can be greatly affected by the timing. Certainly, you shouldn’t bring it up before, during or after sex. Like any uncomfortable topic, don’t wait til an argument to bring it up, and it will blow up in your face. Make him his favorite dinner, bring him a beer and ask him about his day or even just a shared movie night. I’m not trying to tell women, “Get back in the kitchen!” rather, showing these gestures will put him at ease and set his mind in the mode of realizing how grateful he is for you and what you do.
Having the Talk
Here is the hard part, actually bringing up one of the most difficult topics most couples ever have. As with any criticism, or uncomfortable feedback you have to give anyone there are some tricks to make it more palatable. A great technique is one of the oldest, sandwiching the feedback to soften the blow. The way this works is the say something positive or uplifting about him, gently lead into the feedback and close with another positive affirmation. Some examples are:
- Our relationship is so amazing, you are considerate and so supportive.
- I feel like you would do anything for me.
- I love that we can talk openly with each other.
- Nothing makes me happier than curling up with you at the end of the day.
Now you can bring up the rough stuff; the actual problem. This is a very delicate matter, so remember that this is meant to help both of you- a vested interest can greatly help keep you in the proper mindset. Secondly, don’t place blame. He doesn’t mean to have this problem, no man asks for it. You can ease into the conversation by softly curving into it. Perhaps you can ask if anything has been bothering him or having any stress; seeing how he is feeling physically is great too. Premature ejaculation can be caused by mental and physical means, understanding which the case is will speed up the process. Remind him that sex is something you share together, and you want it to be as fulfilling as possible for both of you. If he feels your motivations are selfish, he will shut down or even get upset. Be patient and let him talk through the process and get to a comfortable place. Once the topic is on the table, you can finally work towards solving the problem.
PE is frustrating for both partners, and has driven a wedge between many couples. Don’t wait for him to bring it up, enable him to seek help. Knowing that there is no pressure or blame, and that you want to help him- not judge him, will make him more receptive to your help.